You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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