she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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