Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
