I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Someone shit on the floor
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
