bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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