I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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