I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
