I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
