this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
