Your dad touched me again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
