OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
