M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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