i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
