You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
