he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
