Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
