I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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