I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
