sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
