If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
