I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
