My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize