I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize