Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
