my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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