stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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