Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we're making bets on your personal life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
this hospital has no fireball
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
