i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
