i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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