my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
