I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
