its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
