bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
