They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
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Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need a beard to bite.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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