Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
