Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
