idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
