No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
