someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
