I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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