I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A+ Viking dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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