I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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