There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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