is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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