I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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