you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
