i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
