Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
