if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
