Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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