The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
