I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
