I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
