weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
