He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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