Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
