I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
