Well douche your snatch and let's go!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
