you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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