Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
