Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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