and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
