and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
