Already got asked if we're dating
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
