Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And then he peed in my hair
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