: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize