happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
