I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
