as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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