You smell like a Billy Joel song
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
