I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
