I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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